I posted a trip report in the travelogues section

[Cascadia]

I took a trip this week on the Cascades and Empire Builder out to Spokane and back, I wrote it up and posted it in the trip reports forum

http://discuss.amtraktrains.com/index.php?showtopic=22015

I think you will enjoy reading it, and I would like to know if I put too much personal information in it, if it was okay to post the first names of the people I interacted with in the stations and on the train?

I never looked to see if there were any guidelines for trip reports. Please let me know what you think. I had a great trip and it was fun to write it up, I hope you like reading what I wrote!

Thanks. I hope I am not breaking any rules by "directing traffic" to my own post!

 

[Green Maned Lion]

I'll give you a blunt criticism and say it was too long and not amusing enough for its length. I might be guilty of the same thing, admittedly. All I remember is thinking I was bored of it after section four, and closing the tab. And I tend to pore through government reports with some ease.

The best way, in my experience as a writer (primarily semi-erotic romantic fiction, believe it or not) you need to keep your reader interested with one of the following:

1) Imagery-

Describe things in detail such that people are really trying to picture what you saw in their mind. In semi-erotic fiction, this gets... interesting. Keeping to the genre I used to write in, you can easily go overboard with it. I've seen people writing stories in that area that bore the heck out of me because its all imagery. The book "Cold Mountain" got itself relegated to grill-fire kindling for the same mistake. God alone knows why that heap of rubbish was a best seller.

2) Suspense-

Tell a story. Make it interesting. This is difficult. Tell it such that I HAVE to know what went on next. Clive Cussler makes himself a fortune for this ability- he can't create character (all of them are as two dimensional as a stick figure), he can't create a good plot (Can you think of any that even remotely strikes one as plausible?) and his imagery stinks- but he knows how to write a story that stops you from putting it down- and makes you buy the next in the series because you just HAVE to know what happened.

You can fall into what I call the family slideshow trap here. Millions of otherwise bright people seem to think that other people are just dying to know what happened when little Johnny went for his 3rd score and 17th swim. Unless Johnny is eaten by a shark or something, they aren't.

3) Relevance-

As a train enthusiast, and an Amtrak enthusiast, I am very interested in what happens to you on your train trip. I want to know the consist of the trains you rode. I'd like to know the OTP to some extent. I'm interested in some basics on people you meet on your trips. Unless the conversation was particularly interesting, however, I am not interested in the play-by-play. Keep it relevant to the audience you are targeting it at. Also, don't shortline it. I'd rather it go the full width of my web-browser.

4) Humour-

Humour fits in places that aren't humorous. Having people chuckle while they read something adds to the enjoyment of it.

Example A:

The train was running 3 hours late by this point. I hope I don't miss my connection. This guy I didn't like much said I might. He didn't seem to know much about Amtrak, though- he thought we were on a Viewliner set, even though this is the Empire Builder.

Example B:

The bloody train was running 3 bleeding hours late now! Thats perfect, now I might miss my connection! Just bloody great! As if that wasn't enough, this doofus thinks he is somehow qualified to tell me I will! I mean, who does this fool think he is? He thinks the Empire Builder uses Viewliner Equipment, for chrissake.

See what I mean? Hope this helps.

 

[GG-1]

I took a trip this week on the Cascades and Empire Builder out to Spokane and back, I wrote it up and posted it in the trip reports forum
I never looked to see if there were any guidelines for trip reports. Please let me know what you think. I had a great trip and it was fun to write it up, I hope you like reading what I wrote!

Thanks. I hope I am not breaking any rules by "directing traffic" to my own post!

Aloha

Their aren't any specific guidelines about trip reports besides the general ones for the board. But GML is right that you were wordy. But I would rather see too many words, than not follow your reactions, But I believe his criticism would helped more if it had also been briefer and less harsh.

Mahalo for sharing your trip with those of us, unable to ride a train today

 

[Cascadia]

Hey Green Maned Lion and GG-1, thanks to both of your for your responses. I will remember what you said and maybe try to be more concise next time (I sure hope I have another trip to report on soon! this one wasn't really written specifically for the forum, I was trying to quick remember everything and just banged it out in emails to a friend. I did edit it so it fit this purpose a little bit better, but I could have taken it one step farther.

I agree that finding out the correct name for the equipment and posting how the train was made up is of interest to the audience here, and asking about this stuff to the crew members gives me an excuse to talk to them and if I say I am writing about it, that gives the interaction some structure. That could be interesting.

If I knew I was going to write about it, I could have found out more about that accident on my #28 train where the guy fell down the stairs instead of blowing it off because I was out of it in the middle of the night and distracted by making sure I got on my #27.

I probably wouldn't have included the whole part with the conversation with those Minnesota people on the Empire Builder, except that I felt that without it, I sounded so anti-social. It's mostly traveling alone as a female that makes me keep my guard up. And I'm only so cautious because of past experiences. It's different for you fellows.

Thanks again for the feedback!

 

[caravanman]

Hi Cascadia,

Although I live in England, I love Amtrak train travel, and have started posting on this forum many trip reports myself.. I say started, because I generaly run out of steam before I get them finished, and I also felt deflated when I found that I only got minimal feedback. So congratulations on finishing yours! I found it nice to read, and I particularly liked the non train, general "on the road" information about what you were feeling, as well as what you were seeing. You should not take too much notice of any one point of view on this forum.. some of us want to be big fish in this small pool!

Ed B)

 

[D.P. Roberts]

Thanks for your report, I thought it was great! I can see where "railfans" might think it was too wordy, but most of the wordy parts covered aspects of train travel that many railfains are already familiar with. For example, the family that talked all night, the baby that cried the whole time, the guy who kept bugging you - and then your discussion of whether you were glad you took the train anyway. I've never ridden an LD train, so I've asked those same questions myself, and I thought it was really interesting to read another person's thoughts on that subject.

I could see how some people might think that certain parts went on for too long. For example, your journey through the streets of Portland was rather lengthy. If I wasn't going to Portland I probably would have skipped that part. However, I'm also going to be in Portland this summer for a few hours, and I've been wondering what I should do & whether it's worth leaving time to explore the area around the station. So, I thought it was very interesting and relevant.

And personally, I'm much more interested in travelogues that speak from the viewpoint of "rail passenger" than "railfan." I could care less about which locomotives were pulling which cars, how many cars were in the consists, or when the train stopped & whether it was on time or not. However, I really liked your descriptions of Superliner, Cascades, & other cars, & how comfortable they were compared to each other.

As to the tone - personally, I didn't think it was too "dry" or anything like that. I think the tone should reflect what's being told. If you're writing about a funny experience, you should use a humorous tone & try to make it as funny as possible. If something very bad happened, you'd use a more dramatic tone & make the reader frightened along with you. However, for a relatively "normal" trip - one where you were simply trying to get the feel of spending a relatively long time on a train - you used a tone that was relatively laid back and thoughtful. I thought it worked.

So, I really enjoyed your report. Thank you for posting it.

 

[had8ley]

As you become more seasoned in Amtrak travels you will become more astute in what is common place and what is not. Many of the posters here have mega-Amtrak-miles under their belts and have experienced what you have many times over. You do have a good knack for winning over people's confidence by getting each and every one's name. You also remind me of when I was piloting the Sunset Ltd. out of New Orleans one day and a 6 year old girl looked up at me in the cab of a rather rusty E-8 with big blue eyes and banana curls and said, "Oh, Mr. Engineer, can I blow your whistle for you?' This was back in the days when things were fairly lax and we took her across the Huey Long bridge in the cab with her father holding on in case she got too excited. She rode like a 30 year veteran fireman and we even let her blow the whistle for Central Avenue (at the base of the Huey P. Long bridge on the east bank.) She may have forgotten that day by now but I never will.

 

[D.P. Roberts]

As you become more seasoned in Amtrak travels you will become more astute in what is common place and what is not. Many of the posters here have mega-Amtrak-miles under their belts and have experienced what you have many times over.

That's true, but many people - myself included - are thinking about taking their first train trip ever, & come here looking to read more about it. Travelogues like this one help us figure out what to expect.

It's an interesting phenomenon - most posters here seem to have either 8 posts to their name or 800. It's a combination of first timers and devoted railfans, with not many in between.

 

[Kramerica]

Your trip report was fine. Don't worry about being wordy. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it. You gotta write in your own style.

I thought the part about your North Dakota / Minnesota conversation was interesting.

Feel free to use the names of the Amtrak employees you come into contact with. Let's us know who is good and bad.

 

[Cascadia]

Hi Cascadia,
Although I live in England, I love Amtrak train travel, and have started posting on this forum many trip reports myself.. I say started, because I generaly run out of steam before I get them finished, and I also felt deflated when I found that I only got minimal feedback. So congratulations on finishing yours! I found it nice to read, and I particularly liked the non train, general "on the road" information about what you were feeling, as well as what you were seeing. You should not take too much notice of any one point of view on this forum.. some of us want to be big fish in this small pool!

Ed B)

Hi Caravanman, I don't know why the travelogues and trip reports section of the site gets so much less traffic, maybe it's a mistake to have it seperate from the main discussion. I will try to go and check what people are posting there, more often. Your response to mine is certainly encouraging and I appreciate it.

Trivia: Your member information says you joined on March 22 (3-22 when you write it the American way) and that you have 322 posts. My birthday is coming up on March 22, that's why I noticed. Silly, but there's a bunch of numbers for you.

Hope you get to take another Amtrak trip soon! I am getting on the train to Vancouver, BC tomorrow morning, such a short trip, less than 2 hours, it's not long enough but takes me to my boyfriend so it's always a good trip

 

[Cascadia]

If I wasn't going to Portland I probably would have skipped that part. However, I'm also going to be in Portland this summer for a few hours, and I've been wondering what I should do & whether it's worth leaving time to explore the area around the station. So, I thought it was very interesting and relevant.

Hey D.P., thanks for your feedback on my trip report, and for the encouraging words about the value of writing from the passenger's point of view. It's true a lot of people come on this site to read who really haven't ridden trains much before. I ride them regularly but for a short distance, I hadn't taken a long train trip in the US since high school before I took this one.

I hope my writing about Portland does help you when you visit there! I think the real strength of Portland is probably the parks. I heard that the hill where the Rose Garden is gives you a good view of the whole city and surrounding area. Maybe you should just think of going up there to get the broad view of things, take a lunch up there, climb the hill, get some exercise and fresh air and a break from the train.

Otherwise I'm pretty sure Powell's Bookstore is the default thing to do in Portland - it's HUGE, I hardly got a taste of it in my duck in and out.

What is the trip you have planned for the summer? Have you posted about it?

 

[Cascadia]

I was piloting the Sunset Ltd. out of New Orleans one day and a 6 year old girl looked up at me in the cab of a rather rusty E-8 with big blue eyes and banana curls and said, "Oh, Mr. Engineer, can I blow your whistle for you?' This was back in the days when things were fairly lax and we took her across the Huey Long bridge in the cab with her father holding on in case she got too excited. She rode like a 30 year veteran fireman and we even let her blow the whistle for Central Avenue (at the base of the Huey P. Long bridge on the east bank.) She may have forgotten that day by now but I never will.

I'm _positive_ that she always remembered that day too, as a favorite childhood memory. Yes Mr. Engineer, you do get to be a bit of a mysterious celebrity

 

[Cascadia]

Your trip report was fine. Don't worry about being wordy. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it. You gotta write in your own style.
I thought the part about your North Dakota / Minnesota conversation was interesting.

Feel free to use the names of the Amtrak employees you come into contact with. Let's us know who is good and bad.

Hi Kramerica, I see you are in Wisconsin, that's cool that the MN/Dakota conversation stood out to you, that makes sense that it did. I've been gone from the Upper Midwest for more than six years now, and it's interesting to see it with persective from afar. It looks pretty good from here, actually, but then again this is a very nice part of the country too, and I like the mild climate here and the fact that I am so close to the Canadian border, I go to Canada a lot, that's why I moved out here.

When I was talking to those people on the Empire Builder, we were just starting to get wound up about the Minnesota State Fair when they told us for the second time that we had to clear the car because we were coming into Portland. We could have kept going about that for ages, I'm sure.

 

[edding]

If I wasn't going to Portland I probably would have skipped that part. However, I'm also going to be in Portland this summer for a few hours, and I've been wondering what I should do & whether it's worth leaving time to explore the area around the station. So, I thought it was very interesting and relevant.

Hey D.P., thanks for your feedback on my trip report, and for the encouraging words about the value of writing from the passenger's point of view. It's true a lot of people come on this site to read who really haven't ridden trains much before. I ride them regularly but for a short distance, I hadn't taken a long train trip in the US since high school before I took this one.

I hope my writing about Portland does help you when you visit there! I think the real strength of Portland is probably the parks. I heard that the hill where the Rose Garden is gives you a good view of the whole city and surrounding area. Maybe you should just think of going up there to get the broad view of things, take a lunch up there, climb the hill, get some exercise and fresh air and a break from the train.

Otherwise I'm pretty sure Powell's Bookstore is the default thing to do in Portland - it's HUGE, I hardly got a taste of it in my duck in and out.

What is the trip you have planned for the summer? Have you posted about it?

Greetings: I very mich enjoyed your report( I read the whole thing -- something I can't say for your critic!). I'm planning on going to Portland from Anaheim, the beginning of July( God and a fully operational Coast Starlight willing) so I'll refer back to your report as the trip nears.

I also enjoyed your transliteration of Nodak-speak since my first professional job( quite a long time ago) was at UND in not-so Grand Forks. Very short, but true story -- had a friend from a very small town in southern North Dakota whose Uncle was tired of being one of many Olson's in town so he decided to change his name. So, I said to my friend: "Gary, what did your uncle change his name to?" Gary replied: " Johnson" I ask you, could I make that up.

Enjoy your trip to Vancouver( it's on my wish list of places to go)

Ed

 

[cascadia]

Greetings: I very mich enjoyed your report( I read the whole thing -- something I can't say for your critic!). I'm planning on going to Portland from Anaheim, the beginning of July( God and a fully operational Coast Starlight willing) so I'll refer back to your report as the trip nears.
I also enjoyed your transliteration of Nodak-speak since my first professional job( quite a long time ago) was at UND in not-so Grand Forks. Very short, but true story -- had a friend from a very small town in southern North Dakota whose Uncle was tired of being one of many Olson's in town so he decided to change his name. So, I said to my friend: "Gary, what did your uncle change his name to?" Gary replied: " Johnson" I ask you, could I make that up.

Enjoy your trip to Vancouver( it's on my wish list of places to go)

Ed

Too funny! That cracked me up! Maybe he should have picked "Carlson" or "Larson" instead to be more original LOL! Hope you have fun in Portland and that you get to go to Vancouver BC soon.

 

[D.P. Roberts]

Otherwise I'm pretty sure Powell's Bookstore is the default thing to do in Portland - it's HUGE, I hardly got a taste of it in my duck in and out.
What is the trip you have planned for the summer? Have you posted about it?

I'm taking the CS from LAX-Portland in June (assuming the landslide is cleared out by then). I'll probably have a few hours in Portland before our return trip, & I'll definitely have to check out Powell's (I work in a bookstore, & am always interested in seeing what other stores are doing).

 

[JayPea]

I liked your report. I'd rather read something with a lot of words than not enough. Besides, it gets me more fired up for my own Cascades trip in June: Seattle to Eugene, then Eugene back to Portland. And traveling the Empire Builder from Spokane to Seattle and Portland back to Spokane. I have about five hours in Portland before heading back to Spokane; I'll make sure to check out Powell's bookstore.

 

[Cascadia]

I liked your report. I'd rather read something with a lot of words than not enough. Besides, it gets me more fired up for my own Cascades trip in June: Seattle to Eugene, then Eugene back to Portland. And traveling the Empire Builder from Spokane to Seattle and Portland back to Spokane. I have about five hours in Portland before heading back to Spokane; I'll make sure to check out Powell's bookstore.

You are going to have a cool trip JayPea, with those extra long June days, you will have maximum light for the scenery. I will look forward to a trip report from you! I should try the Seattle to Spokane leg of the Empire Builder next time I go that way. You will get both legs in one trip, that will be great.

 

[Guest]

I LOVED the Minnesota twang talk. The language and mindset in the movie, Fargo, was part of what made it so funny to this Southerner. I didn't know anyone else could be so off-the-wall linguistically (unless you include those folks around Boston- give me an interpreter there, please).

How you express yourself on a board like this tells everyone a lot about yourself and what you wrote was fine. It's telling that women will gravitate towards the relationships and men towards the equipment.

 

[JayPea]

I liked your report. I'd rather read something with a lot of words than not enough. Besides, it gets me more fired up for my own Cascades trip in June: Seattle to Eugene, then Eugene back to Portland. And traveling the Empire Builder from Spokane to Seattle and Portland back to Spokane. I have about five hours in Portland before heading back to Spokane; I'll make sure to check out Powell's bookstore.

You are going to have a cool trip JayPea, with those extra long June days, you will have maximum light for the scenery. I will look forward to a trip report from you! I should try the Seattle to Spokane leg of the Empire Builder next time I go that way. You will get both legs in one trip, that will be great.

I chose that time to go precisely because the daylight will be nearly maximum at that time of year. And I wanted to see both legs during the same trip so scheduled it this way. May as well see as much as I can! The last trip I took, last October, from Spokane-Seattle, THEN from Seattle-Chicago on the Empire Builder, was spent as much in darkness as light. Westbound, it was dark in the Cascades until the other side of the Cascade Tunnel (and for those comedians in the crowd, I'm well aware it would be dark IN the tunnel :lol: . It was dark before entering the tunnel, light after we exited). The Seattle-Spokane leg is great, with all that mountain scenery. One might consider it a drawback, though, that this Empire Builder leg doesn't have the Sightseer Lounge like the Portland leg does. And there is good scenery on both sides of the train, depending on where you are. I've gone to Seattle before when the car attendant didn't care if you moved around in the coach car, so long as you didn't take someone else's seat, and I've had the Car Attendant From Hell, that allowed no movement within the coaches at all. Screw him........I moved anyway.