# Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade



## rickycourtney (Oct 31, 2014)

*Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats*

From America's Finest News Source:



> DALLAS—In an effort to cater toward customers seeking a slightly less revolting bus-riding experience, transportation giant Greyhound announced Thursday it is now offering its passengers premium upgrades to marginally less disgusting seats.
> 
> Officials from the bus carrier confirmed that all 1,200 active vehicles in the Greyhound fleet have been outfitted with a limited number of More Tolerable seats featuring considerably fewer sweat stains and troubling damp patches on the upholstery, as well as increased legroom due to a reduction in garbage piled on the floor.
> 
> “With our new More Tolerable premium option, customers will enjoy a level of comfort and luxury never before experienced on our bus lines,” said Greyhound CEO David Leach, noting that the first four rows of each coach will now boast such amenities as seat backs with just a few cigarette burns and plastic armrests only partially coated with an unidentifiable brown tacky substance. “Exclusive perks include window casings virtually clear of crusted bodily fluids and footwells with substantially fewer crumpled-up Wendy’s bags.”


Full (hilarious) article here.

Apologies to Swadian and Happy Halloween everyone!


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## Swadian Hardcore (Oct 31, 2014)

Ha! The Onion!

They probably don't know Greyhound is currently using vinyl seats that are virtually immune to stains.

If I were to make fun of Greyhound's seats, I would make fun of the Painful Premier, which is an actual problem, instead of making up problems that don't exist, like stained seats, cigarettes, and "brown tacky substance".

Also, the TV screen part is completely nonexistent though a bright TV screen is a big problem for overnight rides, at least they were when I travelled by sleeper bus in China.

I say, if you're gonna do satire, do it right or don't do satire.


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## Swadian Hardcore (Oct 31, 2014)

Say, how come Greyhound don't sue The Onion for defamation?


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## tp49 (Oct 31, 2014)

That video was hilarious.


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## Swadian Hardcore (Oct 31, 2014)

Well yeah, it was hilarious since it used Greyhound South Africa footage and the Greyhound South Africa logo which has nothing to do with Greyhound North America. They also showed a body-on-chassis coach with long overhangs which definitely is not Greyhound North America.

Also, the driver was sitting on the right!


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## rickycourtney (Nov 3, 2014)

Swadian Hardcore said:


> Say, how come Greyhound don't sue The Onion for defamation?


Because it's a parody newspaper. Parody is protected by the first amendment.
It's also a pretty good parody at that. I especially enjoyed the part about the "gatorade bottle full of expectorated chewing tobacco." I definitely saw that on my Greyhound trip. Thankfully it wasn't rolling down the aisle, which I've had the displeasure of seeing on a Metro bus!


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## Swadian Hardcore (Nov 3, 2014)

rickycourtney said:


> Swadian Hardcore said:
> 
> 
> > Say, how come Greyhound don't sue The Onion for defamation?
> ...


But chewing tobacco isn't smoking, so it isn't banned on Greyhound, while alcohol is. I haven't seen it before but I guess your D4505 was particularly dirty for a LD unit. Most of the time it's the SD units getting dirty. Where was the bottle? Was it on a seat or rolling?


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## NorthShore (Nov 5, 2014)

Swadian Hardcore said:


> Also, the driver was sitting on the right!


Just another benefit of the upgraded service!


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## Swadian Hardcore (Nov 5, 2014)

Yeah, right, driving on the wrong side of the road!


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