Amtrak vs spouse/partner

[Keith1951]

I love riding Amtrak in a bedroom across country when we go on vacation, then we always fly back home. My wife doesn't like riding Amtrak because we do it every year. She just wants to get where we are going as quick as possible. Anyone else have this problem with their significant other? If so, do you still ride Amtrak every year or have you given up for the sake of your spouse, or have you got rid of your spouse and kept your Amtrak trips, lol? Just trying to figure out how we can work this out and still ride my trains. Getting to the vacation spot is half the fun via Amtrak. Suggestions please before I have to get rid of one, to keep the other.

 

[Mystic River Dragon]

I had lunch on one of the Silvers years ago with a man who told me he was taking the train to Florida to attend a wedding because he hated flying, and his wife was flying because she didn’t like the train.

Then they would meet at their destination and attend the wedding together.

Unless you must travel together for some reason, why not do that—travel separately and meet at your vacation spot?

I’ve traveled by train both by myself and with a friend or relative, and found both to be enjoyable.

 

[jiml]

My wife has been very tolerant of my train travel wishes - most recently with our recent trek across Europe primarily by train. We've been at this for awhile and she became a convert after our first LD train trip over 40 years ago, however we both have a history as frequent fliers too. IME if you're on the same page about getting to the destination, compromising on the travel method should be possible.

 

[andytiedye]

Not a problem here. We both love to travel by train.

 

[zephyr17]

There's no rule you must do everything together.

My now ex and I (not a huge recommendation, I know) had somewhat different tastes in leisure travel. I liked trains, she liked beach/sunny resorts where she liked to bask in the sun like a lizard. We both liked to ski. We ended up with "my time" and "our time" trips. I took train trips by myself, she took sunny resort trips by herself. I'd occasionally go with her to a beach/desert resort, she'd go with me occasionally on train trips. We always went on ski trips together.

It made for a lot less tension and a lot less frustration for both of us. Our eventual break up was entirely unrelated, the vacation thing was one of the things that always had worked.

One or the other of you just sucking it up any denying yourself something that you really enjoy isn't a recipe for a good relationship. It's a great recipe to grow resentment and light a delayed action fuse.

Talk with each other and find something that works for both of you, that does not require total surrender by either party.

 

[1976steve]

I love riding Amtrak in a bedroom across country when we go on vacation, then we always fly back home. My wife doesn't like riding Amtrak because we do it every year. She just wants to get where we are going as quick as possible. Anyone else have this problem with their significant other? If so, do you still ride Amtrak every year or have you given up for the sake of your spouse, or have you got rid of your spouse and kept your Amtrak trips, lol? Just trying to figure out how we can work this out and still ride my trains. Getting to the vacation spot is half the fun via Amtrak. Suggestions please before I have to get rid of one, to keep the other.

My wife seems to enjoy it, she would spend more time riding on the open platform on the rear of the train than anyone else in the car back in the days when it was still allowed. Nothing like the scent of brake smoke to spice up an evening! lol

 

[Devil's Advocate]

[Do] you still ride Amtrak every year or have you given up for the sake of your spouse, or have you got rid of your spouse and kept your Amtrak trips, lol?

I've always been the one to suggest travel on Amtrak and most of the time (90%) the other person gets their fill from the first ride. Depending on circumstances I switch between planes, trains, and automobiles because variety is important to me. If that means that some trips involve traveling alone so be it. I took your post as tongue-in-cheek but if you're actually being told it's the train or the chain I'd...pick the train.

 

[Saddleshoes]

My Wife loves train travel as much as me...
...as long as we get a bedroom.

 

[Keith1951]

There's no rule you must do everything together.

My now ex and I (not a huge recommendation, I know) had somewhat different tastes in leisure travel. I liked trains, she liked beach/sunny resorts where she liked to bask in the sun like a lizard. We both liked to ski. We ended up with "my time" and "our time" trips. I took train trips by myself, she took sunny resort trips by herself. I'd occasionally go with her to a beach/desert resort, she'd go with me occasionally on train trips. We always went on ski trips together.

It made for a lot less tension and a lot less frustration for both of us. Our eventual break up was entirely unrelated, the vacation thing was one of the things that always had worked.

One or the other of you just sucking it up any denying yourself something that you really enjoy isn't a recipe for a good relationship. It's a great recipe to grow resentment and light a delayed action fuse.

Talk with each other and find something that works for both of you, that does not require total surrender by either party.

I'm truly sorry for your breakup. When I said one or the other, that was for levity. She read my post before I posted it so I'm not hiding anything from her. This is not going to break us apart. I just wanted to get some info on how others were handling the situation if it was a situation for them. I already told her next year we'll go by plane to and from. Then we'll just switch up every year. We always work out things in this relationship. But this year we're going Cleveland to Chicago, layover, and then Chicago to LA for our 20th anniversary cruise.

 

[Panzerknacker15]

One idea might be to fly to your vacation destination then train home. Given Amtrak's track record for timeliness, you would arrive at your destination more quickly with less risk of issue, pleasing your spouse. Then the train home can be a way to relax and destress after the trip before having to get back to work.

 

[amy1277]

I completely hear you, my friend! My husband thinks I’m insane for choosing to travel via train, especially long distance. I don’t mind air travel or road trips (many recent college visits with my son have shown me that some just make more sense than others), but I will always search the train options first and see if there’s a feasible way to make it work.
My LD train adventures to date have been limited to Florida. I’ve done everything from coach on Auto Train (with my ex husband when daughter was 9 months old) to bedrooms on Silver Star and Meteor, both with my kids and solo. My 2 kids are now 18 and 20- i’m definitely glad I exposed them to a bit of train life, but I know it’s not in their soul like it is mine.
I got remarried in 2020, after many years solo and basically traveling the way I wanted, when I wanted. I don’t even try to convince my husband to join me- I’d much rather travel alone than with someone who wouldn’t enjoy it. In September, I took a solo train trip and then spent a week in Disney (also at the bottom of my husband’s happy place list ) completely alone and loved every second.
I’m currently researching my options for a cross-country round trip via SWC, CS and EB…and will be doing that solo as well. Perhaps my husband will fly out and meet for a few days in LA, perhaps not.
As others have said, I think it’s more than OK for couples to have their individual travel time, especially if it brings so much joy to one, and not so much to their “I just don’t get it” other half.

 

[Sidney]

There's no rule you must do everything together.

My now ex and I (not a huge recommendation, I know) had somewhat different tastes in leisure travel. I liked trains, she liked beach/sunny resorts where she liked to bask in the sun like a lizard. We both liked to ski. We ended up with "my Mhtime" and "our time" trips. I took train trips by myself, she took sunny resort trips by herself. I'd occasionally go with her to a beach/desert resort, she'd go with me occasionally on train trips. We always went on ski trips together.

It made for a lot less tension and a lot less frustration for both of us. Our eventual break up was entirely unrelated, the vacation thing was one of the things that always had worked.

One or the other of you just sucking it up any denying yourself something that you really enjoy isn't a recipe for a good relationship. It's a great recipe to grow resentment and light a delayed action fuse.

Talk with each other and find something that works for both of you, that does not require total surrender by either party.

I completely hear you, my friend! My husband thinks I’m insane for choosing to travel via train, especially long distance. I don’t mind air travel or road trips (many recent college visits with my son have shown me that some just make more sense than others), but I will always search the train options first and see if there’s a feasible way to make it work.
My LD train adventures to date have been limited to Florida. I’ve done everything from coach on Auto Train (with my ex husband when daughter was 9 months old) to bedrooms on Silver Star and Meteor, both with my kids and solo. My 2 kids are now 18 and 20- i’m definitely glad I exposed them to a bit of train life, but I know it’s not in their soul like it is mine.
I got remarried in 2020, after many years solo and basically traveling the way I wanted, when I wanted. I don’t even try to convince my husband to join me- I’d much rather travel alone than with someone who wouldn’t enjoy it. In September, I took a solo train trip and then spent a week in Disney (also at the bottom of my husband’s happy place list ) completely alone and loved every second.
I’m currently researching my options for a cross-country round trip via SWC, CS and EB…and will be doing that solo as well. Perhaps my husband will fly out and meet for a few days in LA, perhaps not.
As others have said, I think it’s more than OK for couples to have their individual travel time, especially if it brings one so much joy, and not so much for their “I just don’t get it” other half.

I introduced my girl friend,now my wife, to long distance train travel many years ago. She enjoys it but there must be a destination. I ride just to ride. She comes with me when we have a vacation planned and I ride alone when I just want to ride,which is more often. It’s a happy medium.

 

[dadonatrain]

BOY can I relate to THIS thread! I’d ride trains for the sake of riding trains. My wife just wants to be beamed up, wherever she goes. To her, going to church is a long ride in the car!

I got her to agree to do PA - Seattle and back one time by train and the best I got from her when we got home was “I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.” Another time, I did a big circle by train from SC - LA - Vancouver - Jasper - Toronto - NYC - SC. She flew to Vancouver, we did the Canadian Rockies together as far as Edmonton, and she flew home from there. I guess she musta liked that. We’re still married after nearly 54 years. Go figure.

 

[dadonatrain]

Admins may X this as off topic but I’ll give it a shot. A guy I was riding with once told me he was on the Southwest Chief once when a couple like us posting here was in coach. The husband was in heaven cuz he was on a train but his wife was hating and grumbling about it constantly. The guy told me most of the time psgrs more than a couple seats from her couldn’t hear much of her grumbling, but then they crawled through a small town in rural Kansas eight hours late and a jogger went past their window. He said “That’s when she lost it.” He said everyone in the whole coach heard her explode “J— C— Harry! Now the joggers are going faster than we are! I’m never riding another train again in my life!”

 

[Steve4031]

My GF is not an overnight train person. She will take a day trip on Amtrak and for years we traveled to STL. Then one time she took a solo trip to St. Louis and had a terrible trip. Left Chicago on 303. The engine had issues with the brakes. It was delayed two hours before even arriving at Summit. Amtrak borrowed a CN locomotive and that got the train to Odell siding where something else went wrong. It sat and sat. I got numerous phone calls from her so she could understand what was going on and how long the delay would be. 303 sat so long that 21 caught up to it and they combined both trains. They eventually got to St. Louis at 10 p.m. She's learned to book her trips to St. Louis by herself. And she refuses to ride the Texas Eagle because it is "always" late. This is from a person who is normally oblivious to all things trains.

We were going to travel back from California on the Zephyr using the fly there first and train back method. Two days before we were to return Amtrak called and told us our sleeper had been bad ordered and we were rebooked for two days later. She was not going to wait two days and decided to fly back. I was desperately anticipating a ride on the Zephyr so I waited the two days. I was thoroughly pissed at Amtrak.

She is supportive of my enjoyment of train travel and if I am having a stressful stretch at work she will suggest that I take a train ride. I really appreciate her for this.

 

[Steve4031]

Admins may X this as off topic but I’ll give it a shot. A guy I was riding with once told me he was on the Southwest Chief once when a couple like us posting here was in coach. The husband was in heaven cuz he was on a train but his wife was hating and grumbling about it constantly. The guy told me most of the time psgrs more than a couple seats from her couldn’t hear much of her grumbling, but then they crawled through a small town in rural Kansas eight hours late and a jogger went past their window. He said “That’s when she lost it.” He said everyone in the whole coach heard her explode “J— C— Harry! Now the joggers are going faster than we are! I’m never riding another train again in my life!”

I think this is entirely on topic. I had a similar experience with my GF. We rode an excursion from Chicago to Galesburg behind steam engine 261. I was super excited about this trip and took GF to the vestibule to enjoy the thrill of an open dutch door. At 9 a.m. it was already 90 outside. As 261 accelerated onto the triple track raceway with smoke billowing, she stated, "Isn't this an Ozone alert day?" I took the hint and we returned to our seats. Then 261 had troubles with wheel bearings and we stopped for two hours at Mendota. Eventually, we proceeded west at a restricted speed on the eastbound main. Freight after Freight passed on on the WB main. After the 4th freight overtook us at 60 mph she looked out the window and said, "Is this normal?" This was one of our first train rides so she knew nothing about trains. I explained this was not normal and it would be a long time before BNSF allowed an excursion on their tracks because this had screwed up the entire railroad.

 

[Mystic River Dragon]

A few years ago, I was on a short trip to Fredericksburg, Virginia, with one of my cousins, who will take the train but is not a train person (“Patty, a train is just another type of transportation, like a bus or a car—there’s nothing special about it”) .

She suggested a day trip to Williamsburg on the train. I explained to her that it would be a long day — almost 3 hours both ways on rough track—but she said, “It will be fine.”

So we boarded the train at FBG. Five minutes later, when there was no turning back, she looked at me and said, “This is going to take FOREVER!”

This is the same person who kept me waiting while she read every word on every display we saw in Williamsburg. Go figure.

 

[Devil's Advocate]

I already told her next year we'll go by plane to and from. Then we'll just switch up every year.

I think that's the best you can do. Compromise with consideration for the needs of both parties. Although framed as spouse vs train this solution applies to any group that regularly travels together including friends, family members, and significant partners.

One idea might be to fly to your vacation destination then train home. Given Amtrak's track record for timeliness, you would arrive at your destination more quickly with less risk of issue, pleasing your spouse. Then the train home can be a way to relax and destress after the trip before having to get back to work.

This is excellent advice and something I do even when I'm traveling all by myself. Best of both worlds, so to speak.

My wife just wants to be beamed up, wherever she goes. To her, going to church is a long ride in the car!

At first I laughed but then I remembered how I used to drive 20+ hours in one go (with a friend) while today a 2-hour trip can feel like a chore sometimes.

 

[BlackDiamond]

Fortunately my wife likes train travel - dating back to a trip in her childhood on the CP Canadian (the pre VIA Real Thing). However we are planning a "bucket list" trip in Europe which will involve LOTS of trains maybe more than she would prefer so the deal is we also spend some time in Norway seeing the Northern Lights which is big for her and meh for me. At least maybe I'll get to ride the Stockholm - Narvik overnight sleeper

 

[TinCan782]

Fortunately, my wife and I both are in agreement regarding train travel. We both enjoy it and it is our preferred mode of transportation for longer trips.
We still travel by car (I do the driving) for some trips.
As for air travel, we are both in agreement that the answer is NO!

 

[Maglev]

In our household, it's not just a competition for time, but also for vacation dollars. If we have over $10,000 to spend, it's likely we'll fly first-class to Hawaii and stay at a nice hotel. If we have more like $5,000 to blow, we'll get Bedrooms on the Coast Starlight to and from San Francisco, and stay at the Fairmont on Nob Hill--maybe go to a ballet or something. Lately, our trips have been limited to visits with family; she'll visit her family alone and I go without her to visit my family.

 

[Keith1951]

Fortunately, my wife and I both are in agreement regarding train travel. We both enjoy it and it is our preferred mode of transportation for longer trips.
We still travel by car (I do the driving) for some trips.
As for air travel, we are both in agreement that the answer is NO!

Ohhh. To be so lucky.

 

[MikeM]

My wife and kids lost the train bug the time we rode the SWC RT from Hutchinson to Chicago. On the return leg, the conductor woke us up literally as we were pulling into the station. Whole time he kept telling us to hurry. Wife got off train with her pajamas stuffed into her pants, kids looked bewildered, and as the train pulled away we'd been up maybe 5 minutes. That pretty much nailed it for us. She has been very supportive of my desire to ride the train where feasible, but as for her it's a dead topic.

 

[Rambling Robert]

A while ago, I was traveling alone, and shared a table in the dining car. with an interesting couple. Their secret of travel was to have side-by-side roomettes. it was fun table talk and I remember my hamburger got cold. I ordered a meal on each of the legs of the Texas Eagle trip from Tucson to Chicago.

It was memorable enough that I remembered that I had a pasta vegetable medley for dinner and then, as we were headed towards Chicago, I had a hamburger and fries. It was my first dining car experience and I had traveled in coach to boot.

I have told a lot of people about that TE trip across America.

I could tell that this couple really enjoyed traveling together in retirement - above means perhaps but very sociable.

 

[Palmland]

I indoctrinated my wife when we were dating, 50+ years ago. We were at the stage where everything we did together was a blast. So, I took her on the CZ from Denver to Bond, CO. With a return on the Yampa Valley mail.

Between the scenery and the full dining car experience (silverware, flowers, great food and service for breakfast) she was hooked. Guess that’s why we still enjoy our train trips today.